Morals of the Story

I'm exhausted. I'm physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. Infertility is interesting because it feels like you've hiked an entire mountain, only to look behind you and see you've only gone 10 feet.

Tomorrow is my egg retrieval, which I am so excited about. This process is sluggish so this finally feels like the first big milestone. That is, however not to undermine the many important smaller steps that have gotten us to this point.

On September 2nd, we had our official IVF consultation with the doctor. This was really just an opportunity to talk through the process & ensure we understood what we were in for. The meeting came with several action items. The first was to get Joe scheduled for some bloodwork.

Easy. Had it done by the end of the week.

Next, we needed to schedule a mental health assessment with a therapist. This isn't something that all IVF patients do, but is something our doctor requires of all her couples to ensure they are emotionally prepared for the IVF journey. The problem with all these action items was that we needed to get them all done prior to the start of my next cycle, which I knew would happen on the 15th. So time was of the essence because if we didn't get everything done by the 15th, we would waste another entire month in this process.

Ain't nobody got time for that.

I called around to several of the offices and the soonest I could get us in with a therapist was September 10th.

The last action item was to schedule our "IVF Final," which consists of a meeting with the nurse practitioner to review and sign all paperwork. We were able to get this accomplished the following week, and when my cycle started 2 days early, I was immediately put on birth control.

Seems weird, right? But it helps with regulating your hormones (or something like that).

After two weeks of being on birth control, I was instructed to come off of the birth control for 5 days leading up to the start of stims- aka injections. If you haven't noticed already, everything in this process seems to take FOREVER. Every step takes multiple days if not weeks. So it's a whole obnoxious, anxiety-inducing waiting game.

Then, on October 3rd, he asked me what day it was.

I said, "IT'S INJECTION DAY!"

(Saying a silent prayer that at least 80% of readers understand that pop culture reference.)

I ended up on a cocktail of Menopur (75 iu) and Gonal-F (187.5 iu) for 11 days. Both of these are intended to help mature eggs and grow follicles (which are what eggs grow in on the ovary). Most ovaries develop 1 or 2 follicles each month that look on an ultrasound like small sacs. In IVF, the intent is to produce many follicles with mature eggs. The ovaries essential go into hyperdrive. This is what mine looked like on day 8 of injections. All the black holes are follicles.

On day 6, the doctor added Cetrotide to the mix, which would then act to keep my body from ovulating prematurely. And on the final day, I injected 2 trigger shots (Ovidrel and Lupron).

At the end of the 11 day span, I had injected myself 32 times and had blood drawn 5 times.

All this brings us to tomorrow- egg retrieval day. Our appointment is at 10:45am and I will be put under anesthesia for the procedure. The goal is for the doctor to retrieve as many mature eggs as possible for fertilization. On Friday morning, we will find out how many eggs were successfully fertilized.

From there, our journey is far from over. We will then wait just under a week to find out how many of our fertilized eggs successfully developed into embryos. Our embryos will then be biopsied and sent for genetic testing, and several weeks after that we will find out how many are genetically "normal" for transferring back into my uterus.

There are a lot of misconceptions about genetic testing so in my normal fashion, I'd like to take this opportunity to clear up some common misconceptions regarding this process.

Some people believe that genetic testing isn't morally right to do because it rules out chromosomal issues in the embryos. They believe that all embryos deserve the chance to be transferred and implanted despite potential chromosomal issues such as Down syndrome or Cystic Fibrosis. While it is true that these chromosomal issues can be found through testing, it is not the main purpose.

In blunt terms, couples don't do genetic testing just to rule out having a baby with "something wrong with them." Children with chromosomal abnormalities are just as beautiful as those without. The purpose of genetic testing in IVF is to determine if the embryos contain abnormalities to could be harmful to the fetus or mother's health, or could likely end in miscarriage if transferred into the uterus.

But the topic got me thinking- if there are people that look down on genetic testing for this reason, then why is it acceptable for us to wish healthy pregnancies to people? Do you see what I'm saying? Everyone wishes health for a baby. In IVF, we are already dealing with so much more science than a naturally conceived pregnancy, so why wouldn't we take the opportunity to do everything we can to bring a healthy baby into this world? Isn't that what every parents wants for their child? And if IVF couples have the ability to identify potential health issues in advance during the process of testing to see which embryos would be the most viable for a successful pregnancy, I don't see anything wrong with doing that.

But hey, that's just my opinion.

Some people also think that genetic testing means you get to find out the genetics of the future child that the embryo becomes- such as hair or eye color. This is simply incorrect. This information is not provided during the process. The only identifying fact that is gathered in the genetic testing process is the sex of the embryos. Since the tests take a look at the major chromosomes, it can tell if the embryo contains XX or XY. Then, the couple can decide upon transfer to choose the sex that they want put in or not.

Phew- we're getting pretty deep here. Are you still with me? Good. Cause I've got more fun facts to share.

Let's talk about the conversations that IVF couples have to have regarding their embryos that couples that conceive naturally would never think about or have to worry about.

For example- If a couple ends up with 5 embryos, uses 3 that become successful pregnancies, and has 2 left, what happens to the "leftovers"? Well, that's where your moral compass really gets challenged. The first option is usually to donate them. This means you can give your embryo to someone else who is unable to create a viable embryo. This becomes essentially an adoption process. Another option is to have them destroyed.

This can very obviously get into a pro-life vs. pro-choice topic very quickly. But put that aside for a moment. I want you to think about this from the standpoint of the parents. You aren't able to conceive on your own like other people. So you have to jump through the many hoops of IVF to have kids. But you might produce more embryos than you're looking to have, which isn't your "fault" because it wasn't your choice. Parents who conceive naturally get to choose when they're done. But IVF parents often have to produce multiple embryos just to get one child. So you have to choose to give your embryos to someone else and live your life knowing that your DNA is out there somewhere in the world. Or you destroy the embryo and live your life knowing there were "others."

ORRRR you just become the Duggars and give birth to em all. If you're financially able to, I suppose.

There is however, one more option which is to donate the embryos to science. We were given two options here- to donate for general research, stem cell or research potentially unrelated to infertility. Or, we could donate to our clinic for training. These options do not have the ability to produce a child and would eventually result in the embryos being destroyed.

Honestly, that was all a LOT to write. And it's flat out frustrating that couples even have to go through this and make these decisions just to have a child. I describe it as feeling like my entire moral compass has been knocked completely off it's axis.

Now, I don't like to make things political. But there is one thing I want to say from the standpoint of IVF that people often don't think about. I didn't plan to write about this but, well, it's my blog.

The definition of Personhood is the belief that a human life is formed as soon as a sperm fertilizes an egg. Everyone is entitled to believe whatever they want when it comes to this theory and I respect both sides of the opinion spectrum. However, there are senior leaders in our country fighting for personhood legislations that would criminalize the destruction of any egg that has been fertilized. This includes frozen embryos in the IVF process. Should a legislation such as this get passed, this would mean that a couple would be forced to either give their spare embryos up for adoption or see them all through to birth despite their financial situations, or otherwise face potential criminal charges. Which, you know, is exactly the stress that a couple going through these type of health issues needs on top of the physical and emotional stress that already comes with the process. And if you think I'm making this up, google is waiting.

With that said, vote.

Now, I could also tell you more about morals. Like the fact that we had to sign off on decisions of what would happen to our embryos if we got divorced. Or if one of us died. Or if BOTH of us died.

But it's late and I have an egg retrieval tomorrow. So I won't bore you anymore with the moral carousel that is constantly spinning in my mind.

Tomorrow is a big day. Our first major step forward in this process that took many baby steps to get to. Tomorrow, we retrieve. Going forward, we believe. And soon, we conceive.