You know who you are.
The ones that reached out after my first blog post and told me you were proud of me.
Thank you.
The ones that shared your own infertility story with me.
Thank you.
The one that sat with me at a bar and didn't bring it up until I did because you wanted to be the most supportive friend you could be without being invasive.
Thank you.
The one that shared my original post, while also calling out its applicability to singles and same-sex couples.
Thank you. (And also PREACH.)
The ones that let me mention it in casual conversations without prying or acting like it's a big deal because you recognize that being able to do that helps me cope with it.
Thank you.
The ones who I come to for it all.
Thank you.
I've written several blog posts since my first one. None of which I've published for several reasons. Timing, mostly. But especially after this month, I intend to get back into it.
In my last post, I said that I hoped and prayed every day that we wouldn't get to the one year point that officially labels us as *infertile.* Unfortunately, this is month 12. And I officially have a doctor's appointment next week. And due to some personal issues, our chances of this month being successful have decreased immensely. And that means that the little glimmer of a dream that I had of being about to tell some secret, exciting news to our families at our first Christmas home in 6 years is likely gone.
So today is hard.
There are plenty of days that I feel empowered, hopeful, and trusting in the plan that God has for us on this journey. Today is not one of those days.
And that's okay...
...because of every single one of you that I mentioned at the start of this post. As painful as this constant, 28-day carousel of disappointment is, I know we don't have to ride it alone.
And although I find myself in moments like the one I'm in right now- where I don't even know the right word in the English language to describe how I feel or even what I need in order to feel better- I am very appreciative of this journey.
It's teaching me something about myself.
I'm just not sure what that is yet.
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